Today was not an easy day for me.
Yes, I was off of work, and yes, I slept an extra hour… but I woke up with the realization that, 3 years ago, I was off on this same Jewish holiday and took my grandma and her friend to Yom Kippur services. That following January, she passed away. While Yom Kippur is a day for atonement, as long as I can remember, it was a sad day. There’s an entire service dedicated to those who have died, and for the last two years, it was very difficult to add my grandma to that list.
I didn’t fast completely, as I “should’ve” done according to Jewish law. Rather, I ate small meals, just enough to keep me from killing the people around me. It apparently wasn’t enough to stave off the migraine I’m now nursing, but it was enough to keep my mood a bit lighter. I didn’t end up going to services at synagogue, but I did sit in my bedroom and read the entire memorial service from my prayer book.
Back to grandma… for as long as I can remember, we “broke the fast” at my grandma’s house, and there were a few dishes that were always on the menu: grandma’s special tuna salad, tabbouleh, egg salad, bialys, and banana-chocolate cake. Oh, and Canfield’s Chocolate Fudge Soda. I decided this year, I would be making grandma’s tuna to break my “fast.” It took me many years to truly like it because of the complex flavors, but now? Now I love the stuff.
I ate it with a toasted English muffin since bialys are nowhere to be found anywhere in my neighborhood, and I had the soda too:
- 1 large can white tuna in water, drained
- 1/4 red onion, finely diced
- 1 rib celery, chopped small
- 3-4 sprigs fresh dill, chopped
- 1/2 c. fat free cottage cheese
- 1 Tbsp. mayo (I used Smart Balance)
- 1 Tbsp. capers, drained
- 1 Tbsp. dijon mustard
- salt and pepper to taste
Mix all the ingredients together and allow to chill for a couple hours before serving to allow flavors to meld.
Just the smell of the red onion and dill brought tears to my eyes, and once I served myself and ate, I was oddly comforted. I’ll be enjoying this tuna for lunches for the rest of the week, and smile, knowing that grandma, somewhere, is proud of me. I know she’s around… a mysterious flower popped up in my mom’s garden today, a cat in the neighborhood showed back up after not showing her face for 2 years… she’s around…
The screen is swimming as I keep tearing up, so I’m going to call this a night… have a great Tuesday all!
P.S. Is anyone out there interested in being a Guest for Dinner? I’d love to start a weekly Guest Post! Check out the page for examples of what I’m looking for, and send an email to mara@imadedinner.net if you’re interested!
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
Hope the night is more positive for you, dear Mara – hang in there xo
.-= VeggieGirl´s last blog ..Produce? Nuts? Grains? Deliciousness? Check! =-.
yup/// and tabbuleh,too.
Not quite her tuna recipe, thought… i will send it to you.
I am sorry to hear about your migraine. I can’t believe you will be eating tuna for the rest of the week.
Awww Mara, this is so touching! I am sure your grandma is looking down on you tonight and giving you her sweet gratitude for honoring her today.
She is so lucky to have a wonderful granddaughter to keep her memories alive. What a better way to remember her than by some of her classic reipes!
Take care hun and have a amazing night.
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..A BFD Today Keeps The Doctor Away =-.
I would love to be a guest for dinner!
That tuna looks amazing, and even more, such a great gift to be able to carry on your grandma through great memories and food.
.-= Meghan@traveleatlove´s last blog ..Food and Wine Bash in Newport =-.
oh sorry to know that you had a sad day. I agree with Lauren, your gradma would be proud to have you as granddaughter who still remembers her so much after 3 years.
=-.
The tuna salad looks delish~
.-= coco´s last blog ..Failed challenge
I’m so sorry that today was a rough day. Holidays without loved ones are tough – I’m glad you were able to remember her through traditions!
.-= K´s last blog ..Crawling Back To You =-.
what a beautiful tribute to her
I hope you have a great night – just remember the good times.
.-= brandi´s last blog ..Wine Me =-.
oh Maraaaaaaaaa! This was beautiful! Hugs to you!
.-= glidingcalm´s last blog ..Attune Probiotic Wellness Bars =-.
This post obviously made me cry. But it was beautiful, and I’m sure that your grandma is smiling down at you right now. I love you!
.-= Jenn (eating bender)´s last blog ..Puttin’ on the Ritz =-.
Hey sweets…hang in there. Holidays are always hard. What a great way to honor her memory…it’s funny how closely we tie some foods to memories. (BTW I didn’t fast or go to temple…I even went to work. I am so in the bad book! There’s always next year though…that’s the beauty of High Holy Days.)
I know that feeling. Everytime I make a certain macaroni and cheese dish, I am reminded of my grandmother. It’s a comforting/sad feeling for sure.
hang in there!
.-= Amanda (Two Boos Who Eat)´s last blog ..Anxiety =-.
Aw, Mara, I am so sorry to hear that today was a struggle for you. I agree with the above commenters–your grandma is surely looking down on you today and beaming:)
.-= BroccoliHut´s last blog ..Broken and Repaired =-.
Oh, Mara, I just read Jenn’s post and now yours. I’m so sad for her recent loss, and I lost my grandmother a little over five years ago, but like you, the grief is still there. I can only imagine how proud all of our grandmas are of us! Love you girl.
*hugs* Mara…This is such a beautiful post and I’m glad u were able to make it through this hard day. Holidays are always really hard and two-sided for me because of my dad, so it’s nice to take the time to reflect and cherish the time with family
Have a great week xoo!
.-= carolinebee´s last blog ..It’s called LONG-TERM BORROWING… =-.
I’m sorry the day wasn’t great for you and that you had a migraine. Hang in there! I’m glad, however, that you got to have a creation of your grandma’s tuna, what a great way to remember her
.-= Paige (Running Around Normal)´s last blog ..My Journey to Healthy Eating =-.
What a great way to remember your grandma, by making something that reminds you of her. It’s so hard losing loved ones, but she is definitely with you each and every day.
.-= Danielle´s last blog ..Back To Basics =-.
Hugs <3
Hang in there, Mara. I’m sure you Grandma would be so proud of everything you’ve accomplished in the past 3 years
xoxo
.-= Shannon (The Daily Balance)´s last blog ..Wedding Weekend Recap #3 – The Ceremony – Dun Dun da dunnn =-.
There is a Jewish deli on Clark and Catalpa. I have seen a sign for Bialys there if you have a hankering, although I haven’t gone in. Man it’s been ages since i had one. Always at my grandma’s house.
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..2 DAYS TO GO =-.
I know that deli well! I live about 45 minutes from there though… there’s NO good delis in the Schaumburg area!
This post just put me to tears! I’m so sorry for your loss–I know holidays can be rough.
My mom was Jewish, Dad Catholic–ever since my mom and grandma passed away, it’s been tough when these days come around because my dad doesn’t really celebrate them and I’m just bad at remembering. That’s so cool that you made you Grandma’s Tuna and be able to enjoy it all week with a smile on your face!
.-= Dawn (HealthySDLiving)´s last blog ..Kale Chips =-.
Oh Mara, I’m sorry yesterday was so hard for you. I still get really sad when I think about specific holidays I spent with my grandpa, and he’s been gone 8 years. Grandma’s Tuna was a great way to celebrate her life
.-= Katie´s last blog ..I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends =-.
My Grammy passed away this past Jan. and I’m having a hard time w/ it, too! Hang in there! I think cooking favorite foods is one of the best ways to honor a loved one. My last memories of my Grammy surround food, and the zucchini pie I cooked for you guys is actually her recipe!
I was wondering if Guests for Dinner would return!
.-= Christina´s last blog ..Pumpkin Cake =-.
My dearest Mara:
I am so sorry
I understand completely. My specialty is chicken marsala. It was my dad’s absolute favorite thing in the whole world. He would ask me for it every single time I visited. He could smell as soon as I started cooking it. Since he died, i’ve only made it once (it’s been almost three years)and I cried the whole time I was cooking it. I really should make it again. You are keeping your grandma’s memory alive and i know you think of her often. How wonderful that you have recipes that you can pass along, too.
Love,
Jenny
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..For shame. =-.
Such a sweet tribute to your grandma Mara. Sending you a hug from Nashville.
Indeed, a very nice (and delicious looking) tribute to your grandma. Very sweet! That’s very similar to how I make tuna but I’ll have to try it with the capers and dijon in it too!
.-= Quix´s last blog ..Day 9, 2 Days to Vegas =-.
What a great way to remember your grandmother by..:) That was a lovely and touching post!
.-= Simone (junglefrog)´s last blog ..Crespelles; Cooking Italy =-.
yummmm you make my tuna salad look so boring!
.-= Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers´s last blog ..No Shrimpy Lunch =-.
I do the exact same thing Mara! In remembrance of those I love who have passed, I’ll usually make a dish that reminds me of them. A lot of things remind me of my grandma and sometimes even just the smell of something will take me back. This was a great post!
.-= Andrea (Off Her Cork)´s last blog ..September 29th, 2009: redundant bumpkin =-.
This is a lovely post – I really enjoyed it and the recipe is great. Gave it a Stumble so that more people will get to see it.
.-= Donalyn´s last blog ..Take it outside! =-.